|She's a pretty big priority, and she knows it.|
At home, the apartment gets steadily messier. The smell of cigarette smoke continues to waft in through the walls from my neighbor, and dishes pile ever higher in the sink. I clean (honestly, I do), but before long, things start to get out of hand.
The days at work are often too long for me to exercise before or afterward, and the weight has started to creep back in. The overwhelming, crushing thought is that my life is out of control. If only I could "____" then I would feel better, right?
Well. Sure, I'll feel better when my apartment is clean. Things won't be as stressful if I have everything done before Wednesday, and I can just focus on design. If I get home at a decent time and my day wasn't so difficult, I could work out before sleeping.
How to do that, though? Surely there are enough hours in the day. I spend 10 hours a week on the road. 40 hours are spent at work, two hours at church, and another three hours in rehearsal. That still leaves PLENTY.
I suppose, then, it's about how efficiently I use that time, and the way I prioritize things. There's obviously a discrepancy between what SHOULD and what IS the most important. That's evidenced by things like spending two hours playing Whale Trail on my bed and eating pop tarts this morning. I could've had the whole place clean (including myself) in that time.
At this point, it'd be really easy for me to just get down on myself. Oh, you're just lazy and crave comfort and entertainment more than anything else. You can't be counted to keep your life in order, just look at the mess in your kitchen. You can't stay in shape, just give up.
No. No no no. None of those things are true. As easy as the trap is to fall in, I have to take the messes I allow to build up in my life (note to self: get more cat litter) and use them as motivation to make better habits.
The first step, which I'll do tonight on my handy yellow pad (thanks, journalism) is to list out the things I do each week (work, cleaning, wash, home-time, rehearsal, church, family-time, etc.) and figure out how I actually value each thing. Then, I'll take that list and re-arrange it the way I WANT it to be, and refer to the list any time I feel out of sorts.
There'll be more thoughts on how this works out in the near future.