Another exercise in trust

Things today have been a little turmoil-ish.

I found out that my Jetta, in which I survived an incident with a drunk driver about two weeks ago, is likely to be deemed a total loss. Because of the way the vehicle was set up, this leaves me with no debt and no payments, but also no car.

That's a little scary to me.

But I also discovered that it's likely I will get money for "pain and suffering" and I will have medical expenses covered to get my back looked at. This is good.

I just don't know where God takes me from here. There are a bunch of big question marks looming in the coming months that I have yet to answer, and as much as I like to take things as they come, there are certain securities I like to have settled — my vehicle being one of them.

It's another exercise in trust and faith, I suppose.

The Lord's many blessings

The last several weeks have been a wash, an outpouring of God's love and bold displays of his ability to care for me. I've been so busy lately that I haven't had time to reflect on the happenings of late, but my editor was gracious enough to give me the evening off (as a thank-you for working at 5 a.m.).

We're entitled to a little goofiness.

I've been battling bitterness these last few months, and it's been apparent that I need to learn how to keep those bitter thoughts at bay. Bitterness, like doubt, is a tiny seed when planted, but it quickly grows into an out-of-control weed.

Let me quickly lay out last week: Sund— you know what? Never mind. There's no sense in rehashing the reasons for me to be unhappy. I can just marvel that God has worked in my heart and mind to make me resilient to the bumps and bruises along the way. I'm safe, I'm warm, I'm fed and watered, and I'm loved. Period.

Christmas was a huge blessing. I saw my whole family together for the first time since June, and was able to introduce the newest member: my beloved best friend, with whom I look forward to a life of excitement and adventure. Marie has been an incredible revelation to me; someone I cherished in a platonic sense for years who worked her way into my heart and my future.

We were able to build a transcendent friendship  — one we were blissfully unaware would one day be more — and it shifted and blossomed into a relationship I can really take pride in.

She is one of many things God has given me recently that I haven't asked for. He wants to lavish on us, and that's been apparent. Everything from blessing me with safety in the wreck a few weeks ago (and giving me a slick rental for the Christmas road miles) to giving me a soft schedule this week as I look to adjust my daily life to more healthy habits.

I have plenty of things I want to accomplish in the next few months, and I'm sure I'll write further on those subjects individually, but it's exciting for the Lord to have re-awoken the ability for my heart and mind to DREAM once again. The prayers I have yet to ask have already been answered, and my time is free here and there for God to jump in and fill it with goodness.