|Russet the she-kitten enjoys my shoulders immensely.|
Maybe if I get my own place I'll find fulfillment. Once I get a job I really enjoy that makes me more money, I'll be happy. I just need to eat dinner, or take a long shower, or have a girlfriend or get a kitten (the two may be interchangeable) and I'll be out of the doldrums. The thing is, I've done all that stuff, minus the girlfriend bit, and I haven't suddenly been filled with joy and had all the paths in my life straitened out. Even with little Russet the kitten laying upside down and aggressively licking my elbow, life still doesn't make sense. There are still hardships and loneliness and difficult days and weeks and months.
You see, Solomon tried the same thing. He filled a palace with riches, was the smartest and most powerful man in the world, and had (count them) hundreds of wives. And just as Solomon discovered, none of that changes apart from the Lord. All of the things I listed for myself - and most of them are good things to want - will fade in time, leaving only the bare bones of whatever it was I started with.
Now is time for a much bigger step in the Redemptive Process. I tire of all the quick, temporary fixes to the aching in my heart. It's not about switching up my diet or adding a precious pet to my life, it's about reinventing my world view. It's about simply spending time with the Lord who created me and bonding my heart to his so that I won't stray as I do.
As for solutions, I'll pray and wait patiently. Several that immediately come to mind are obvious. More time in the word being the number one, as well as finding an older and wiser man of God that I can walk with and be accountable to in every facet of my life. Someone that is comfortable making me UNcomfortable, which I have been craving these past months especially.
It's time to break out of the routine. It's time to take off the bandaid and let the gaping wounds heal. It's time to step forward.